


I'll morph to someone else

by odinstark



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Advice, Assassination, Bisexual Male Character, Body Image, Dresses, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Friendship, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Good Morgana (Merlin), Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Kings & Queens, Lesbian Character, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Character, Pregnancy, Protective Knights (Merlin), Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Transphobia, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-20 16:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19995250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odinstark/pseuds/odinstark
Summary: Uh I'm not sure how well this will go down. this is merlins accidental gender journey while they're undercover for camelot. plus some merlance and a little bit of wlw love.pronouns for merlin will vary through out the fic, but I will always clarify if its them talking first. The changes will be reflective of Merlin's thoughts about how he feels about his body and the identities he takes on in the text and who is surrounded with in the fic.This is a fic about the journey of self discovery about Merlin's gender identity and so it will include heavier subjects like gender and body dysphoria and dysmorphia during parts of the fic, body issues, social dysphoria and self confidence issues. It will also include mentions of internalized transphobia and homophobia, but no slurs, reclaimed or otherwise will be present in this fic.





	I'll morph to someone else

> _"No, Merlin. Absolutely not," Arthur shook his head as he glanced down at the yellowed map in front of him._

"Why not?" Merlin retorted, slamming his hands softly on the table beside him, after nudging in between Lancelot and Leon.

"Because it's a suicide mission, plus you're not trained in any swordskill. I won't let you go off and get yourself killed."

"But if you or anyone else goes, you will be killed on the spot. You've become too recognisable Arthur, and so have the rest of the knights, even out of your mails and cloaks," he argued as Arthur continued to not look at him.

"Merlin..-" Gwaine began but the warlock caught cut him off.

"No, don't you start too, Gwaine. I am perfectly capable to sneak into a castle and retrieve information. I have skill with a bow and frankly, I'm not that bad at swinging a sword at someone! I'm not useless as much as you all like to believe."

"Merlin, we don't think you're useless," Lancelot was saddened by his friend's thoughts and placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort which was immediately shaken off when Merlin backed away from the table.

"There's no use denying it now. I get it okay? I'm the clumsy, idiot servant that you all barely enjoy talking too but I want to be more than that for once!" Merlin yelled as Arthur finally looked up at his friend, with a look of devastation on his face. All the knights had a similar expression on their faces. 

"Let him go."

Everyone's eyes snapped to Leon, who had been silent for the past few minutes, since Arthur had introduced the idea of infiltration of King Jyack's kingdom and castle. Merlin's eyes shone with confusion and hope as the first knight gathered his thoughts. 

"Merlin is not only capable of surving endless knights in the forest, but he can most certainly wield any weapon with a moderate degree of competence. He's trained in the ways of a physician, has accompanied us on all number of dangerous quests and survived, without any sort of armour. I dare say he's a better man than all us. So if he is willing, we'd be fools to not let him."

"Leon..." Merlin silently thanked the man, who glanced over at him with a soft look momentarily before returning his gaze to Arthur. 

"So...let him go, sire."

The King surveyed his friends gathered around him at the small round table they had in an ante-chamber of the regular meeting room. Each one returnes his stare with a look that matched Leon's words. When he got to Lancelot, and the man had something extra is his gaze, determination perhaps, he finally decided to brave looking back at Merlin. 

The dark haired man watched as Arthur took a deep breath in through his nose, exhaling slowly before he stood up from his chair and the blonde paced towards him. The king reached out and grasped Merlin's shoulder in his hand and nodded shakily at him,

"Okay. Okay..."

Lancelot and Gwaine rode out with him to Camelot's border, to see him off and to make sure he arrived safely. Tucked between Merlin's pouch of medicinal vials and enough food to get him to the gates of King Jyack's castle, was his disguise.

Gwaine's horse galloped along beside Merlin's as its rider bit into an apple, 

"What are you even thinking about disguising yourself as?" 

Lancelot scrunched his nose up as Gwaine spay apple chunks everywhere as he spoke, and he looked over at Merlin with a deviously curious look in his eyes, 

"Yes, I was also wondering that myself."

Red bit at Merlin's cheeks as his hand tightened around the neatly folded silk pile in his bag. Lancelot has been watching him during the entire two day ride there, with an emotion he couldn't quite identify but was sure he was reciprocating as he stared back, so much so that it always made Lancelot laugh nervously and look away, hiding the red on his face, 

"Okay don't laugh but..."

They stopped in a clearing a half mile away from the border. Lancelot and Gwaine busied themselves with watering the horses as Merlin muttered spells and curse words in the foliage as he tried to put the deep red dress onto a body he was unfamiliar with. He slipped on the flat leather shoes as he emerged from the brush, and anxiously pulled at the shoulder length, curly hair that hung at his shoulders. 

"So, what do you think?" A new voice said and it took Merlin a few moments to recognise it was his own.

Gwaine and Lancelot turned around at the same time and both stuttered on whatever words they had prepared in the back of their throats. Gwaine began to grin and wolf whistle while Lancelot still stared dumb founded, and almost...wistful, his tan face blushing a pleasant pink. But that was getting his hopes up. 

"You look..." Lancelot trailed off as Merlin smoothed out the non existstsnt creases on his dress, the embroidered skirt fluttering in the soft breeze. 

"Like a million gold pieces!" Gwiane laughed as he clapped Merlin on the shoulders, holding him at arms length as he observed the transformation. Lancelot snapped out of his daydream and turned his gaze on Merlin and nodded his agreement at Gwaine's assessment, 

"I'd even court you if you wanted."

"Thanks, Gwaine," Merlin really wished he'd asked Morgana for one of her fur shawls now as he shivered under Lancelot's observant and thorough look, which darkened slightly when Gwaine mentioned courtship.

"You'll have no problem getting in the castle like that. What are you posing as? Queen's maid? Daughter of a upperclassman?" 

"Umm, something like that," Merlin answered his question as he turned away from his friends. His plan was stupid and weird, a lot weirder than the bodyswap was. 

"What are you going to go as?" Lancelot asked and Merlin replied with a confused hum, 

"Merlin's a nice name but it's heavily recognisable to anyone that wants Arthur dead, even if they haven't met you. For safety, you probably would want to choose one to go with your new....you."

"Esmerelda!" Gwaine prompted instantly and his friends laughed for a couple of moments before Merlin glanced around around the surrounding area for inspiration when he landed on Lancelot's knights' cloak. 

"Scarlett?" he tested the name out loud and his companions considered it. 

"No, too...traveller. Jyack is a man of 'old traditions', the bigot. You need something..less bold. Easier to blend it if people forget your name. But not boring enough that everyone yawns at the mention of you."

Lancelot considered the deep red of his cloak for a second.

"How about...Merlot?" the 'oh' sound came out softly as Merlin considered the name, 

"It's less bold but still has the tie to red that you liked. Plus it's not too far away from Merlin so you will answer to it quicker."

Merlin glanced down at his curved body, running his hands down the bodice of his dress as the name began to tie the identity together. 

"Merlot...I like it," Merlin praised as Lancelot smiled softly at him.

The sun was slowly beginning to descend in the sky and the warlock took notice of it,

"I guess this is goodbye for now, I better get to walking before the sun goes down if I'm to arrive at a border village while it's still light outside."

"W-Wait!" Lancelot jumped forward and caught the turning Merlin by the forearm. Gwaine began walking away to give them privacy and to resaddle their horses,

"Please, Merlin. Take this."

Lancelot pulled at his collar and exposed a length of black twine with a tarnished but obviously well loved ring strung on it. He pulled the necklace over his head and placed it into Merlin's small hands.

"I can't-"

"You can. I give you this so you have to stay safe to be able to give it back to me."

Merlin looked up at Lancelot, for the first time in his life, and smiled,

"Okay. I promise."


End file.
